I'm going to skip introductions at this point and get straight to the story. I feel as if by now there's no real need for them. It's about fucking time blogger! 'Bout time we no longer have to wade through the "bs" that is your introductions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bite me.
After much time on a free dating site I started to wonder if there would be a difference if I ventured to a dating website that one needed to pay for. I don't mean like layouts or message fonts. Not crappy superficial stuff like that, but if there would be a different caliber of people there. My thinking was that maybe because this website required a membership fee it would weed out the ass hats that used the free website for quick hook ups. So, after much research, I settled on one dating website that wasn't too expensive but still looked like it wasn't infested with the average ghetto hoodrats and wanna be thugs the other free website was permeated with. I paid my membership fee and with fingers crossed started to fill out a questionnaire that was unnecessarily way too long. At first I started to get frustrated with the endless amount of repetitive questions it was asking, but somehow convinced myself that these numerous questions would help me find a better "match".
Well, did all those questions help narrow down the choices to the special few that would capture your heart, blogger? HELL NO!!
Almost immediately after I finished up the hour long questionnaire then filling out my profile I could smell the desperation coming from my computer screen. Granted it was a faint smell that confused me some, but never the less still the smell of desperation. When looking at my potential matches, I quickly found how useless a lot of those questions were. Most of matches were based off the fact that I enjoyed movies and animals and guess what?! So did they!!! Then to top it off most of them, my potential matches, were so quick to talk about marriage and kids that the normal little red flags I would get from some were like flashing Las Vegas signs from these guys. Huge neon signs that screamed, "Run bitch! Run! He's crazy and desperate and will probably roofie you if you leave your drink unattended" Okay, well, maybe not the roofie part, but you get my drift.
If I was not being bombarded by messages from these desperate fools I was being rejected by men I might be interested in. It was quickly becoming a no win situation for me and I was starting to wonder if me paying the $40 a month membership was worth it. I, of course, quickly decided that two months of this nonsense was quite enough and I discontinued my service. Okay...so...where the hell is this going? Damn you're so long winded blogger! Well, if you would let me finish you'd know that just because I discontinued my membership didn't mean it was done that day. I still had paid for the month and was still able to look. At times I asked myself why I was still looking, then he happened.
Who happened? Are we finally getting to the guy? Thank you Jesus! Yes! We're finally getting to the guy. Geeze! Well, anyhoo! I came across this one profile with an attractive man who hailed from England. We'll call him the Redcoat. I read Redcoat's profile and was somewhat intrigued. I noticed I had this special "VIP" bullshit email thing that I could use to show someone I was really interested and I decided to use it. Why? Well, why not? Plus I wanted to hear his accent. I sent him the super special email with who knows what cheesy opening line and we began chatting.
He was very easy to talk to. I was working overtime when we were emailing back and forth so it was hard for me to access this account at work due to poor service on my cell phone. This was a perfect excuse for me to give him my number and suggest we text. I have to admit that was a pretty smooth move on my part. *Patting myself on the back* I didn't think that things would progress as quickly as they did, but they did. On my way home I called him and we talked my entire drive home. I quickly gave him the nickname "Sparky" because his sense of humor kind of reminded me of Clark Griswold from the National Lampoons vacation movies. He asked what my plans were for the day and I told him I was probably going to take a nap when I got home, then who knows. How we ended up agreeing to meet the very same day we message each other? Hell if I know, but I figured you only live once, right?
We met at our local coffee house chain and when I pulled up next to his car he had a sign on his window that read, " I AM SPARKY". This of course made me laugh so hard my stomach hurt. We didn't end up having coffee to begin with and instead went to a restaurant. But what about your rule, blogger? First dates are to always be at coffee houses! Remember?! Yes, I remember, but for some reason this guy made me break all the rules. The date was going swimmingly until his ex was brought up. The rest of the night was mostly about him talking about it and what happened. I immediately knew that this was a huge red flag. He insisted that he was over it but I knew better. Granted, not all of the night was him venting about his ex. There were moments of joking and us exchanging stories, it was quite pleasant. We ended the night at the coffee shop where we finally got a coffee then a kiss goodnight. After that we didn't really meet up again. I felt as if he was giving me the brush off and I didn't understand why. Uh, maybe because he wasn't over his ex stupid! Well, I know this now, like I've said in a previous post, hind site is such a bitch.
Finally we met up again sometime later and somehow ended up as friends with benefits, but we weren't really friends yet. Everything was going smoothly until one night after adult time, we were spooning, I was the little spoon. Why you needed to know that detail? I don't know, but whatever! He asked, "I hope you see me more than just a booty call". I initially thought, "Damn it! Things are now going to get complicated". Don't get me wrong. I was started to have feelings for this man. After all he was charming, handsome, had a body that looked photo shopped and he treated me like a woman should be treated. Not to mention he was just a big a freak as I was in bed. But, I was successful at repressing my feelings for him up until then. I responded with "How do you want me to see you". He of course then snapped out of his sex drunken state and started to stutter about having to use the bathroom. I laid there thinking that this was probably going to end soon, but I was not going to not have an answer to my question. When he returned to bed I figured I'd re-ask the question but in a more blunt and simple fashion. What did I say? "So do I keep you at arms length?" To which he replied, "yes". I knew what his answer would be, but didn't think it would bother me as much as it did. We then ended up going to sleep, but I knew that as soon as the sun came up I'd be gone.
The next morning he got up and gave me a kiss on the forehead and went to make coffee. We had developed a routine by then where he would make coffee and I would join him as he watch a soccer game. This morning, however I was not going to join him. I was still hurt and upset about his answer the night before, so I started to gather my things to leave. He, of course, was flabbergasted that I was going to leave so soon. When he asked me why I was leaving so abruptly I simply responded with "Arms length, remember?" After that it wasn't such a pretty sight. I left, then came back and we talked about this situation. He ended it by saying that maybe we should "cool it" for a while. I, reluctantly agreed. We didn't talk for a few days after that.
By the third day of our stand off, I was miserable. I was finding it hard to concentrate at work and was constantly checking my phone, hoping to hear from him. Then I got a text saying, "For what it's worth, I miss my friend". Initially I was happy to hear from him, but then quickly was put off by the word "friend". I had been friend zoned and my heart sank. I don't remember if it was that day or the next that we met up again. All I remember was that it was a Friday and I was just finished with having a drink with my co-workers when I mustered up the liquid courage to have this heart to heart with him. He had stated before then that there was some things he wanted to "talk" to me about which naturally made me nervous, thus me needing the liquid courage. After my one drink, I began the drive to his house.
I got to his house and we began with bullshit idle chit chat until he said it was time to really "talk". He said that he really cared for me but that he wasn't sure of what he wanted. This is another red flag chickadees and duders. If a guy says he's not sure of what he wants, it either means he doesn't want to hurt you because he wants to still sleep with you or he honestly doesn't think he's ready to take that plunge with you. How we ended up agreeing to only see each other is beyond me, but that ended up being the end result.
I don't know about you guys, but in my world and circle of friends we all tend to agree that if you cap someone off (agree to monogamy) you're in a relationship regardless if you want to admit it or not. Somehow this Redcoat kept insisting that he wasn't ready for a relationship and didn't want to be in one yet. This baffled me. We were doing everything people do in relationships, even had monogamy, but still this Muppet (British slang for idiot) was against relationships. Needless to say this frustrated me beyond all hell. What brought us to our inevitable demise was one weekend I was under the impression we were to spend time together Friday but he thought since had already done that Thursday we weren't going to get together the next day. Simple miscommunication right? NOPE! He had already made plans for Saturday which I knew of and frankly didn't care if he went or not. I wanted him to go hang out with his friends. Well, here's another instance where I'm going to give you pearls, kiddos. Never, ever have an important conversation over text messaging. Things get so misinterpreted its ridiculous. Call them, for God's sake. It ended up with him getting mad and I didn't hear from him that weekend. I was confused as to why he was so upset. Come Monday when we finally talk to each other after him dodging me the entire weekend. He was upset and kept saying that he told me he wasn't ready for a relationship and that he had other more important things to worry about. I quickly then remembered that I had called him out saying that we were basically in a relationship and it sucked that he couldn't just admit it. It wasn't that I wanted the title, kiddos. I was just tired of him pussy footing around what were actually were and if he didn't think we were that then why the monogamy? Again we had another break and the last time I talked to him I wished him well. I told him I wanted him to be happy but didn't think I could be his friend. At least not at that moment.
Fast forward three months and time has begun to heal the wounds this Redcoat left behind. At times I wondered where the fuck was Paul Revere to warn me this Brit was coming my way. Then one day I was listening to a Kenny Rogers song called "The Gambler" and one line made me chuckle a bit. The line that goes, "know when to hold them, know when to fold them" especially stuck out. My bestie who was with me at the time said, "guess you should have applied that to the Redcoat situation, huh? " Granted the Redcoat and I are slowly mending things, but not heading into a "relationship" status. I honestly don't know if I can be his friend, but I do know I'm going to try. Why? Because on our first date I agreed that no matter what happened we'd be friends and I don't back out on my word. He has done nothing to intentionally hurt me. He's not a malicious guy, just a guy who bit off more than he could chew. So...back to that line from The Gambler. No, I'm glad I didn't fold them at our first date. Despite the heartbreak, I did learn something, my lovelies. It doesn't matter how much two people care for each other if the timing isn't right. Sometimes someone can truly care for you, but still have baggage they need to sort through first. So, no Mr. Kenny Rogers I don't agree with you and go eat some of your chicken and shut your damn pie hole! Until next time kiddies, happy dating!
