Happily Ever After...My Ass

What's going on blogger? What's up with title? I thought you and Sparky were going to be forever?

Well, so did I. Unfortunately, duders and chickadees that wasn't his plan. My Sparky did the unthinkable. What? He cheated?! Yes, in a way. Apparently, I wasn't the only girl he was talking to. Yes, my babies, my heart is completely broken and I'm miserable. Not only did my love, or so I thought he was, did this one but twice. I guess the lesson I learned was that sometimes people don't change.

Why in the hell did you even give him another chance?

Sometimes, you love someone so much you believe they deserve a second chance. You want so much to believe that it was just a stupid mistake, but that's neither here or there. The point of this blog post is a survival guide of sorts to get over a break up.

1. Give yourself a day ( or two, or three, or four) to mourn.

This is only natural. You need to mourn the death of what you thought could have been your forever. It's ok to have a candy bar or that scoop of ice cream and watch some horror movies. It's ok to get a little chocolate wasted while blasting heartbreak music. Just don't be a heffer and eat a gallon of ice cream and 15 candy bars while sinking into a pit of despair. That will only lead to food guilt and you being 15 lbs heavier and even more miserable.

2. Remind yourself why you left AND DON'T call them.

I know that all of us who'll probably have more drinks than we're suppose to and do that dreaded drunk call to them. Don't do it! If you know you're going to have one of those booze filled sad nights, for God's sake, give your phone to someone you trust. Shit! Hide your damn phone and save yourself the embarrassment of letting your ex hearing you're drunken patheticness begging them back. Remind yourself of what they did and don't get booze mind and think of the special way they looked at you or the awesome sex you had with them. Remember what that asshat did to you. Put on some girl power, or guy power, music and find some damn restraint. 3. Sober up and keep busy

The key to not falling back into their spider web of deceit is to stay busy. But blogger how do you break those routines you had with them? Well, do the things you liked to do when you were single. Go hang out with friends. Go take the dog for a walk, play freaking candy crush. Do anything that keeps your mind from wandering back to them. Find your happiness without them again.

4. Don't think that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new.

What? Bullshit, blogger! Ain't nothing wrong with some getting some strange. Uh, yeah there is.  BULLSHIT!!! Listen up, you horny little devils. This may sound like  a harmless fun way to get over them, but it's not. Chances are you'll end up with some less than par person and you won't even enjoy the sex. Sex is suppose to be fun. Don't associate it with sad vagina or penis. If you do embark on this stupid choice you'll only end up have really bad sex and feeling like you need a shower and possibly a hepatitis test.

5. Pamper yourself and finally deal with the situation with a clear head.

Ok, now this sounds like a scene from a crappy lifetime movie. Cue the montage and the cheesy 90's music. Hey! First of all, not all lifetime movies are bad and not all of the movies have cheesy music. Seriously though, go get your hurr did. Go buy a new outfit, some smell good stuff. Build up that confidence. Now, the hard part.

Once you've had time to really deal with the situation. Either take the time to take responsibility for your actions or finally see that it wasn't your fault. If you ever want to really move on, you need to accept what happen. Wow, that's pretty deep blogger. I haven't heard that little pearl of wisdom before. Was that sarcasm I hear? Smart asses.

Look, the truth. Breakups suck old gamey balls. They aren't easy, there not suppose to be. But, they happen for a reason. Just don't give up hope that you'll find someone that will treat you like the queen or king you are. Yes, I'm not exactly the happiest right now, but I refuse to give up hope. With out that, I might as well start buying cats and tucking my dresses into my panty hose.
Keep your heads up kiddos, keep searching and enjoy this chaotic ride of dating.