Now, I'm still struggling with if I want to even publish this post considering the man I'm about to talk about is still very much in my life. I think he knows that I'm going to write about him and secretly he's preparing himself for what he thinks is going to be a complete verbal ass whooping on him, because now he does read my blog. Little does he know that ,yes, our story thus far is not the best, but I still very much keep him in high regard. He's still very much the little love letter I carry with me (a cookie to who ever knows what song that came from). He is the closest that has ever come to me finding my kindred spirit. I guess, that's why I've been going back and forth with this next blog post my young kudasais. Despite my hesitation with this issue, I guess you all figured what my decision was. After all, I am on here giving a very rambled introduction of what this post is going to be about. Enough said, on to the story.
I should have known that Tony the Tiger (this is what I'm going to call him) was a flake from the start. We met on an online dating website. Do I really need to say where I meet these guys? I think from here on out I'm just going to assume you will know where I meet these guys. OK, focus, back to the story. We did the usual. Exchanged emails back and forth and eventually exchanged phone numbers. We had an amazing conversation that I still think about from time to time. I know what you're thinking. But you always say you have great conversations with these guys. What makes this one different? Well, I was actually myself when talking to him. I could be full on dork goof ball and he didn't seem to mind. He enjoyed it actually, which to me, was a pleasant surprise. He did funny voices and accents that made me laugh so hard my stomach was sore as well as my face. The entire conversation was amusing, to say the least, and I felt that someone welcomed my sense of humor (seeing that his was similar to mine). After talking on the phone for about four hours, we finally called it a night, but not before making plans to meet. Nothing out of the ordinary, right? Not quite. I didn't hear from him afterwards. Not even on the day of our meet up. I called him that day and asked him if we were even still going to meet up and this is where his version of the story and mine differ. I clearly remember getting ready and thinking to myself that this was going to be incredibly awkward, seeing how we haven't spoken to each other since that night. I was no longer sure if I wanted to waste my time shaving my legs for this date. I, of course, not wanting to waste another good razor on a possible Charming Houdini Copperfield called him and asked if this was even a good idea. He sounded, to me, a little relieved that I wasn't too keen on the idea of meeting him anymore. We decided not to meet. We kept in touch here and there via facebook, but never had another phone conversation.
Fast forward to a year or two later. Like I said, we kept in touch very little through facebook, but nothing like that first conversation we had that night until he posted something on facebook asking if anyone knew of places that were hiring. No, he wasn't a jobless hack, he was merely looking for a change. I, at the time, was working at an auto auction company that was hiring. This was my excuse to get in touch with him again and it worked. I told him I would call him after work to give him the details of what I did. All through my work day I was a bit nervous. I wondered if this conversation would be strictly business and cold or would it be like it was that night? The time could not go by fast enough. The day dragged, like that old pervy man's dog legs from Family guy. At 5 o'clock I rushed out to my car and called Tony the Tiger. I nervously counted the rings on the other end until he answered.
The start of the conversation was curtious. Filled with the obligatory, how have you been? I've been good. So, what's new? After that, I gave him the details about the job and then...it was continued with the familiar banter I had missed since that night. We talked for a couple of hours. About what? I don't even remember. All I remember is feeling like, I hope he sticks around this time.
We continued to have wonderful conversations by phone and skype. Remember I had never met this guy before and the closest we had ever come to meeting each other was chatting through webcams. He was completely handsome. I knew the first time seeing him on my computer screen (how lame is this) I was a goner. His smile was completely captivating. The first night of skype chatting was awesome. We skyped until the wee hours of the morning. Eventually we decide to meet and actually did.
The first meeting went better than I had hoped. It didn't last as long as I would have liked seeing he had plans with his nephew, but it was good. After a few meet ups and more chatting, we ended up dating. All of this probably makes you think that it should be all good in the hood. But as time went on his flakey-ness came through. It all started the night I tried to define the relationship, which should have been a huge red flag for me. Hind site is always such a bitch.
We had been hanging out almost every other day for a while and I knew we were on the same page emotionally. One day, I was asked out by some random guy and I had already turned him down because I was really swooning over Tony the Tiger, but this gave me the just cause to define the relationship. That night, I was going to bring it up. I, of course, was shitting bricks. I didn't want to scare him off, but I thought it was about time to have this conversation. So...I brought it up. I didn't get the response I was looking for. He stared at me blankly for what seemed like forever and just when I was about to throw my hands up in the air and give up, he responded. What did he respond with? I'm sorry but I told you I was emotionally retarded. Which, yes, he did, but come on! You have this girl you're clearly into in front of you telling you that she got asked out by another dude, but doesn't want to go because she'd rather be with you! This should have been my que to book it the hell out this situation, but like a complete idiot I stayed.
Now, ladies, listen up. Another situation where I'm going to hand you some pearls. If a guys tells you something like, I'm emotionally stunted or I just don't know what I want or I don't want a girlfriend, I just want to have fun, listen to him! He's not lying or trying to play hard to get. He's telling you the truth, listen to him, believe him and run.
Eventually it got to the point where we were hanging out once a week if that and only for a couple of hours because he had to go to work the next day. I rarely saw him on his day off and if we made plans, something would come up and said plans would fall through. I confronted him about it and also about him not being affectionate whatsoever. It started to feel like I was hanging out with a good buddy instead of a significant other. He said he would try, which would only last a couple of hours then things would go back to the way they were before. I couldn't understand how someone who understood me completely, could be so distant and flakey.
OK enough with the back story. I bet you want to know what was my breaking point. Well, after numerous excuses as to why we couldn't hang out, he eventually had a weekend off. Which was like hell freezing over for him because having a weekend off didn't come around often. My bestie came down from Austin and we had planned to meet at a bar. I invited Tony the Tiger and he agreed to go with us. I waited around for him, wondering what the hell was going on seeing how it was getting later and later. I was at the point where I just wanted him to hurry up and call me to let me know he was going to flake out on me yet again. He didn't and he finally made his way to my house close to ten and I felt horrible that I had kept my friend from Austin waiting all this time. We eventually made it to the bar and were starting to have a good time. So good of a time that I forgot about how late he had been getting to my place and that he kept my bestie waiting so long. Now, Tony the Tiger has since stopped trying to be affectionate and I was making my peace with that untill... some random bitch came up and asked if I could introduce them. I told her that him and I were together and she laughed. She proceeded to tell me that she was sorry, but she didn't think we were together because our body language said otherwise. I knew exactly what she meant. I tried as hard as I could not to knock her out for being such a bitch and succeeded in not becoming violent. Needless to say, I was embarrassed and upset that no one could tell we were a couple. Like we needed a huge neon sign saying it because there was no way in hell you could what we were to each other. Stubbornly he refused to show any sort of affection to me and now I was paying the price by having some random drunk hookers ask about him. Now, kiddos, I was not asking this man to be all over me, but...shit! At least hold my hand, give little touches here and there.
After getting to my house, where his car was, I asked him to text me when he got home and of course he said he wouldn't. He said this in a joking fashion as if I would be fooled into thinking that he would, but I knew better. He took this as me telling him what to do, which is not the case. The next day, we spoke and he told me of plans he made with his friends to go kayaking and of course those plans he didn't flake out which sent me reeling. I was completely flabergasted at how he could keep plans with them but not with me. Like I was just someone he hung out with when there was nothing better to do. So...I broke up with him. I had-had enough. We didn't speak to each other for a couple of days. Then he texted.
What did he text? Come on blogger! What the hell did he text you? Did he appologize and you two made up and now live happily ever after? Sadly, no. Sorry kiddos, but this story doesn't have the cliche happy ending. He texted something about sweater vests, acting like nothing had ever happened. Completely dismissing what had happened just a couple of days before. This led to another event of me being absolutely livid. In a nutshell I told him to go kick rocks and that to go watch something on elephants and whales because that was the only time he wasn't emotionally retarded. (for some reason he only showed any hint of "girly" emotion when watching documentaries on elephants and whales. He's an odd bird) And that was that. We didn't talk for a while after that.
So, you might be wondering how he is still in my life? Well, I missed him. Not just him but his friendship and contacted him. We've since had a heart to heart and I guess things are ok now. We've hung out a couple of times, but I try not to put too much stock into it and until recently have done good at not feeling like I want to try something with him again.
Wait! What? What happened recently that makes you want to try things again?
I took him out for his unbirthday and had a wonderful time. Made me wish that he wasn't such a flake, then...I kissed him. I know, I know. What the hell are you thinking? Where is this going to go now? Truth, is...I don't know. I don't even know what's going to happen when he reads this (because his curiousity is going to get the better of him). I bet you're thinking that this is my "hail mary" pass to him, but it's not. I've learned my lesson with Tony the Tiger. There's no point in chasing after a flake or hoping that they'll change. No one is going to change unless they want to. If he wants me, he knows where to find me. So, my young whipper snappers, don't go chasing after flakes. You'll only end up confused, frustrated and upset. If someone tells you they're a certain way, listen to them. Nine times out of ten, they're telling the truth.
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