Anyhoosers! I've noticed that this one guy friend seems to have this complex. I don't understand why he's attracted to this ratchet bitches, that are so good at playing the victim. I mean, the man looks like a Hispanic version of Joseph Gordon Levit. He's gorgeous and I'm more than sure he knows it. So...for this blog I'll refer to him as JJ (Joseph Jr).
Okay, well, why do you think he suffers from this terrible affliction Ms. smarty pants? Oh my little duders and chickadees let me give you two prime examples.
EXAMPLE #1 the lying ho
He met this woman at work. Which to be perfectly honest, is mistake numero uno! (This means number one for all you non Spanish speakers). Never...EVER go out with someone you work with. You know that old saying? Granted it's a bit crass, but fitting. "Don't eat where you shit." Well now blogger! I never! Hey I warned you that it was crass, but it's very true. Nothing good can come out of dating someone you work with. But wait! Aren't there exceptions to this rule? I'm sure there are, but they are rare, so don't bank on being one of them.
Well, back to the story. He meets this woman at work and starts a flirting frenzy with her. You know the typical stolen moments away from other coworkers and the flirty smiles here and there. She tells him that she recently, as in five days ago, broke up with her fiancé. Now, he should have stopped the flirting there, but this dumbass doesn't. She spins him a story of how crazy her fiancé is and how she was just the poor little thing that tried everything to make it work. They hung out on a weekend, fooled around and then once Monday came around...yup you guessed it! She fucking Houdini'd his ass. He called me asking what I thought happened. He then mentions something in passing about her still having her supposedly ex fiancé pictures still up. I, of course, tell him that she's (A) using him until she can patch things up with her man (B) cheating on her man and he's still very much in the picture and clueless or (C) using him so she won't have to be alone. He tells me that he started to like her and felt like he should be there to help during this troubling time. *eyeroll* I KNOW RIGHT?! What pile of shit!
So, I guess you're probably wondering what her deal was, huh? She was cheating on her fiancé. When her fiancé got wind of this, all hell broke lose. Poor JJ, I thought at first. He's just too nice of a guy. Little did I know he's just a captain save a ho.
Okay, but that's just one example. He could have just really liked her and wanted to see the good in her. I thought that too, until this next catfish popped up.
EXAMPLE #2 the obvious catfish
So after the dust settled with the cheating slut he then meets a girl online. She doesn't have any recent pictures up. It's pretty obvious from the clothing and hairstyle that those pictures were taken in the late 90's or early 2000's. I ask him if she has sent him any recent pictures and he says no. When I ask him why not, he gives this obviously bullshit story of her losing her parents when she was young. Supposedly, an accident that her parents were involved in was well publicized and all the flashes from the reporters cameras left her traumatized when it comes to taking pictures. Are you fucking kidding me? Nope! This was the story he told me.
Wait! I'm getting a little ahead of myself. What started this conversation was that he asked me again for my opinion. He said that he and this "girl" (because who knows what she really is), had been texting and talking on the phone everyday, then she went cold all of a sudden. She hadn't replied in a couple of days, but had been on social media. Of course, this would irritate anyone. I get it blogger. Can't respond to my text but can post what you ate on Facebook? I'd be pissed too. Well, he got mad enough that he did the unthinkable. What was that blogger? He deleted her from his social media! :GASPS: I guess this was a big enough deal to her because within minutes she sent him a message. This brings us back to her old ass pictures circa Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
I, being the super sleuth that I am, did a google image search on her pictures and found three profiles with her images looking for someone in Georgia. She had previously told him she lived in California. I told him what I found because we both agreed that something was fishy with her story. (Haha! Fishy...catfish! Get it? Never mind!) she ends up telling him that she had this profile a "hella" long time ago. Does JJ stop talking to her or proceed with caution? Fuck no! If he had I wouldn't be making this post. He was supposed to meet up with her one weekend and I don't know if he did or not, but last checked they're still going strong. Granted, I don't know if they met or if she turned out to be buffalo bill, but I cut him off.
Wow! That's a bit harsh, don't you think blogger? No, I don't. What you don't know my babies, is that after his first try at saving some pathetic damsel in distress I spent hours talking to him. I spent a lot of time reassuring him that he wasn't at fault for that first ratchet bitch. I would drop what I was doing to console him. I know that you're thinking, "that's what a good friend does". Yes, a good friend does, but I wasn't going to let him turn me into a captain save a dumbass. I wasn't going to catch him every time he fell knowing he was doing something dumb or trying to save these girls that needed to save themselves. I wasn't going to be his safety net. I wish him all the best and I hope this girl turns out to be the real deal, but as the great Lieutenant Murtaugh said, "I'm too old for this shit!"
