I have certain guidelines or rules I like to follow when I should accept a date from an online dater. These rules I learned and developed quickly after my first few dates I accepted with a certain *free* online dating site. (since then I have tried other sites that you have to pay for, I'm not cheap lol) I feel like I should put a disclaimer on these rules I'm going to discuss before I continue on with this post, so here it goes.
DISCLAIMER: I am not saying I'm an expert in online dating. I'm far from it. I'm actually a blubbering idiot who's only doing this to pass the time. These are just things I've learned along the way.
RULE 1: For a first date with a fellow online dater always choose or suggest a coffee shop.
Now, some of you that are familiar with online dating you may already know why this is one of my rules, but for those you don't here's a story explaining this rule.
I met (if you considering conversing with someone online "meeting")a guy online and after reading his profile summary and his picture I was intrigued. After the proper amount of emails exchanged, because apparently that is one of the ridiculous rule of online dating, we exchanged numbers. We then had a few phone conversations that were amusing. In fact we had some very good conversations unlike any I had previously had and he seemed stable enough to agree to meet up. After all, that is the purpose of online dating, to eventually meet and see where things go, right? He suggested meeting at a local bar for a couple of drinks. I naively agreed and set a date and time.
After a couple of more very pleasing conversations the day of meet up had finally come. I, of course, was a complete nervous wreck. I scoured my closet the night before for the perfect first date outfit. I wanted to look pretty, maybe a little sexy, but not slutty. Needless to say I wanted to dress to impress. After hours of getting g'd up from the feet up and going through many different scenarios in my head of the probable events to come I was ready to set out on this soon to be misadventure. I googled mapped the directions of the bar only to find that it was significally further than I had liked, but since I had already agreed I begin the 45 minute drive to not so local bar.
Once I had arrived and parked I texted this guy. I think we'll call him "head case" since I think it's best not to use his name. (By this nickname I can only assume you now know where this story is going to lead) He met me outside in the parking lot and greeted each other warmly with a hug. We sat down at the bar and ordered our drinks. Within those few seconds of ordering a drink the dreaded red flag had already reared it's ugly head. The savior bartender asked what we would be having. He ordered a beer and I ordered a gin and tonic. When the savior bar tender gave us the total he looked at me waiting for me to pull out my wallet to pay. I was stunned. I couldn't believe this guy was looking at me with this irritated look because I didn't have my wallet out ready to pay. Luckily the bartender, sneered at him and told me she'd put it on my tab, which later I didn't have to pay.
I brushed this incident off as hopefully first date jitters and we began to start our date. Things were going well, until he began to tell me about his job as a personal masseuse and revealed that he had to give a couple of men a *happy ending* in order to make things meet. I stupidly asked why he had to "make ends" meet when he said this was his only source of income. I didn't think to ask why he didn't or couldn't get a normal 9 to 5. Then the conversation took a weird dramatic turn as he began to tell me about a past job he had as a grave digger. I don't know how this happened, but I mentioned I had a family member that died in Iraq when he eyes began to water and proceeded to tell me about his disgust for the men he worked with. Why was he disgusted by these men? Apparently they would scope out the widow and began to rate her on their do-ability scale. The teary eyes he had merely seconds before turned into faucets. He was sobbing, almost uncontrollably as he continued to talk about the disrespect these men showed. I was in complete and utter shock. I had no clue how to react or what to do. I know for a fact my dumbass probably looked like a deer caught in the head lights. I knew that the polite thing to do was to console him with a hug, but frankly he was scaring me and I didn't want to touch him. Now, you're probably thinking why I didn't just get up and leave. Well, apparently my savior bartender used top shelf gin and this was before I knew I was in for free drinks...I wanted to finished my drink! Stupid reason, I know, but oh well I stayed frozen to my bar stool and watched him continue on with his stories. To be completely honest, I don't remember everything else he said that night. I guess, that's my brain blocking out that traumatic moment. The last thing I remember was asking for the check and him apologizing. He told me that his doctor put him on new medication for his bipolar disorder and it was taking him time to get adjusted to it. Times like those...words fail me. I told him that I needed to go and remember stuttering out a reason as to why I had to go, when my savior bartender came with the *check*. She pulled me aside and said not to worry about it. That after the date I just had she was not going to hit me with this incredibly high bill, because he apparently ordered more beers while blabbering and sobbing. I guess I was too in shock to notice. He offered to walk me to my car but I declined and said I had to go to the bathroom. Needless to say I made sure he was long gone before I walked out to my car.
Sooooooooo...what did this teach me? If you go to a bar for drinks, you feel obligated to stay and finish it. If you go for coffee and things take a weird turn, you can take it with you. Trust me kiddos, never, EVER go anywhere other than a coffee shop on your first meet up with a fellow online dater.
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