Emotional Masochist

This post, kiddies, is not going to be the typical wise ass humor with the moral at the end.  I guess, this is more of me wearing my heart on my sleeve and trying to figure out where to go from here. This is me trying to get my thoughts together to figure out what's best for me. 

I find, when dating, some people always have that one person they'd love to be with, but for one reason or another they can't. With this person, you can either let them go forever and never look back, or you can keep them in your life as a friend.  Most sane people will turn that person loose while others, like myself, are what I like to call  emotional masochist, and torture themselves by keeping these people in their lives.  I try to justify it by telling myself that it's better to have this Tony the Tiger in my life as a friend then nothing at all, when really I know all I'm doing is kicking myself in my non-existant balls.  I don't know if I just like to hurt myself (Oh my word.  I sound like one sick son of a bitch that cuts herself. I swear I don't) or if I really care a lot about this guy that I'd go through hell and high water to keep him in my life.

Yes, my lovelies. I hung out with Tony the Tiger again and no we did not kiss. It was strictly platonic and no not the type of "platonic" you use when describing some hot person to your signaficant other. Anyhoo! Everytime I hang around with him it's the best time I ever have.  There's never a dull moment and my face hurts from smiling. I try to find something about him that I find simply repulsive, but I can't. Maybe I'm not looking hard enough?  Am I really looking at this situation through rose colored glasses?  Do I need to ask him why we won't work?  Will I be able to handle the answer he gives me?  These kind of questions and a feeling of complete confusion and sadness wash over me 10 minutes after he leaves.  I'm always left with the confused "WTF" face (You know the face and if you don't, just turn on The Jersey Shore. This type of face is constatnly painted on each person of that cast) searching for answers to questions I'm too afraid to ask.  I hate this feeling of befudlement and feeling like I'm chasing a damn shooting star. I hate talking about my feelings, well, these kind of feelings. This is what makes me think that I must be some sick twisted individual that likes the mental fuck he leaves me with. Oh God, please don't let me be *that* girl that always ends up with these type of guys. 

Well, kiddies I guess I can pull a moral out of this short post.  Don't be a masochist, at least not an emotional masochist.  Otherwise you'll end up on the other end of a computer screen trying to type out you're feelings, but only end up more confused than you started.  Trust me, it sucks old balls.